it’s my 40th birthday today…
It’s my 40th birthday today.
That seems like a REALLY big number.
But I’m ok with it: gray hair, wrinkles, and all.
Actually, I’m more than ok. I’m excited about the coming decade.
For no other reason than I am hopeful about what God has in store for me.
I hope this decade in my life is defined by him and him alone, because that hasn’t always been the case.
The first 28 years of my life were what I would call the “achieving” years. My perfectionistic self tried as hard as she could to be the best at everything. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was constantly striving for the approval of others, finding my value in awards and praise. I loved God, but my faith took second place.
Then there were the five “searching” years when my life fell apart. All of my achieving came up empty, so I got angry with God and walked away from him completely. I searched for purpose and fulfillment in everything the world says will make you happy: money, fame, relationships, and partying. It didn’t work. I ended up alone, desperate and so much worse off without God in my life.
He radically saved me, and the last seven years have been the “chasing” years. Chasing after God with reckless abandon has been my calling and mantra. Some of it has been marked with intense loss and heartache, some of it with unbelievable blessing, but all of it has been devoted to one purpose – to glorify the Father.
Recently, I have been studying the Lord’s prayer in Matthew 6, and it’s come to mean so much more to me than I ever thought it could. I have known the words since I was a little girl, but now I see it in a new light: as a plea for my life to be devoted to him. I want the first line to be the cry of my heart as I enter a new decade: “Hallowed by your name.”
I wrote my own version of the Lord’s prayer, and I want to share it with you as I celebrate today.
Hallowed be your name. First and foremost, let my heart be consumed with an all-surpassing passion for you. Reign in my life. Let my heart be hallowed for you alone. Let me be consumed by a reverent awe for you all of my days.
Out of that supreme devotion, let flow a lifestyle of kingdom work. Let me be dedicated to your plans and purposes: seeking, praying and carrying them out no matter the cost. Let your kingdom come and your will be done.
To accomplish your will, let me be wholly reliant on your provision: for my bread and daily needs, for the forgiveness of my sins which brings hope, and for the power to live a holy life that brings honor to your name. I recognize that you are the source of all I need to chase after you.
Father, let nothing take your place on the throne of my heart. Not money, not relationships, not health, not accolades, not even pleasure.
Empower me to live as your servant, dying to self daily and sacrificing all that I am for your glory. Help me forsake comfort, stability and popularity for your name’s sake.
Let me be anxious for nothing, but trust in your Spirit to provide all the power I need to carry out the task of hallowing your name. I realize I cannot accomplish anything on my own, but am desperately dependent on you.
O Lord, as I stand on the precipice of 40, this is my deepest longing:
Let me run. Let me run as fast and as far as I can after you, my life a reflection of your magnificent love. Let me continue to chase you with reckless abandon.
My heart and my life is yours, both now and forever.
Friends, I am so thankful on this day for all of the blessings God has given me, and you are near the top of the list. Thank you for reading my blog, encouraging me in the journey and praying for me when I need it most. I am grateful for each of you and I am committed to praying for you too. Comment or message me and I will get on my knees for you. Let’s do this faith journey together, running as fast as we can after the only thing that matters.
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