one of those days…
Today is one of those days.
A really tough, not-so-fun day.
Admittedly, I am reluctant to share. These blogs are always the hardest for me, because they require the most vulnerability. But maybe you are having one of those days, too. And if you are, this post if for you.
Here’s the honest truth: my heart is heavy today.
Not for lack of faith, because I have been in the Word and on my knees.
Not for lack of hope, because I KNOW that God holds all things in the palm of his hand.
Not for lack of love, because I have a great support network.
But because today I feel the weight of so many heavy things:
The weight of being a parent. One of my kids is going through a big battle and I feel almost powerless to help. I want to respect privacy, so I won’t go into details, but my heart is heavy trying to figure out what I need to do. In addition to that, I am struggling to figure out how to navigate the gap in age between my bigs and littles. My bigs both had fun events last weekend, and I had to miss out or not enjoy some of them because of the littles’ naps, fussiness, and tantrums. For the life of me, I can’t figure out how to do four kids well at the same time. Even though I know it isn’t the truth, I feel like a failure in that department right now.
The weight of being a friend. Several people I know are going through extremely difficult situations: struggling marriages, health issues, death of a spouse, children with cancer and unborn baby concerns. I pray for these loved ones daily, bring meals and send encouraging notes, but I wish that there was more I could do to help them. I feel bad because I can feel their pain.
The weight of being sick. I’m not at my worst, but I’m not feeling great, either. My body has battled crazy health issues off and on for the last five years, and I am currently trying to fight through some really frustrating pain with no known cause. It’s exhausting to be in constant pain and not know how to make it better. I feel defeated.
The weight of making big decisions. We are facing some really exciting, but really big decisions that require a lot of intense conversation and prayer. We are blessed with opportunity, so I’m not complaining, but it’s not entirely clear what paths we should be taking. It’s mentally exhausting to talk about work, moving and what God’s plan is for our family. We want to do his will, but aren’t quite sure what that is yet.
The weight of the holiday season. Christmas is a wonderful time, but it’s also a really busy time. There are extra events, extra gatherings, extra presents, extra everything. In addition to the holiday festivities, all six of our birthdays are during this season. It’s a lot of planning and celebrating crammed into a small window of time and it gets overwhelming, as well as financially draining.
The weight of all of these things makes my heart heavy. And even though I have laid it all down at the cross, it’s hard not to pick it back up and carry it.
My heart still feels it.
My hubby, bless him, offered to come home after school and give me a couple hours to myself. In years past, I would have gone shopping, or gotten a pedicure, or had a glass of wine, or maybe all three. I would have tried to do something to forget all of the heaviness. And there is nothing wrong with doing those things! Self-care is important…as long as soul-care is happening also. But sometimes, I didn’t do the soul care that was necessary.*
Today, I did soul care. I went up to my room, turned on worship music and got on my knees. I sang with the music, cried, and prayed prayers of thankfulness. Then, I opened my Bible to the Psalms and read some of my favorites out loud. The pages are worn because I read them every time my heart is heavy and overwhelmed. But you know what? Each time I do, it helps. And today was no exception; my heart is lighter.
I’m learning that spending time with God helps me feel better than any other worldly remedy. It doesn’t fix everything, but it does bring a lightness… a comfort and peace and strength that I was lacking.
Dear friends, if you are having one of those days, and have a heavy heart, can I encourage you to spend time with your loving Savior? He is waiting with open arms for you to come to him. When you do, he will meet you there with his peace, his comfort, and his strength. He will lift your heaviness, and give what you need to finish the day.
Here are five of my favorite Psalms. They are the most well worn pages of my Bible, the ones that have lifted me time and again. I can’t get through them without crying in thankfulness for a God who cares for me. If you can, take a minute to read them out loud. It’s well worth the investment.
“But as for me, I will sing about your power.
Each morning I will sing with joy about your unfailing love.
For you have been my refuge, a place of safety when I am in distress.
O my Strength, to you I sing praises,
for you, O God, are my refuge,
the God who shows me unfailing love.”
“O God, listen to my cry!
Hear my prayer!
From the ends of the earth,
I cry to you for help
When my heart is overwhelmed.
Lead me to the towering rock of safety,
for you are my safe refuge,
a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me.
Let me live forever in your sanctuary,
safe beneath the shelter of your wings.”
“Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my fortress where I will not be shaken.
My victory and honor come from God alone.
He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times,
Pour out your heart to him, for God is our refuge.”
“O God, you are my God;
I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
my whole body longs for you
In this parched and weary land where there is no water.
I have seen you in your sanctuary
and gazed upon your power and glory.
Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
How I praise you!
I will praise you as long as I live,
lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.
I lie awake thinking of you,
meditating on you through the night.
Because you are my helper,
I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you;
your strong right hand holds me securely.”
“Then I realized that my heart was bitter,
and I was all torn up inside.
I was so foolish and arrogant–
I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you.
Yet I still belong to you;
You hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
leading me to a glorious destiny.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
I desire you more than anything on earth.
My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak,
but God remains the strength of my heart;
He is mine forever.”
As always, I love hearing from you. It’s my honor to hear your stories and be able to pray for you. If your heart is heavy, please reach out! Message me or comment below and I will get on my knees for you. Let’s do this faith journey together.
*I learned about the difference between self-care and soul-care from a fellow writer who specializes in it. If you would like to learn more, visit:
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