Just when I thought that I was doing so well, pride reared its ugly head and gave a mighty roar in my heart this week. Man, it’s easy to let pride sneak in, isn’t it?

Of course, on the week that my hubby has extra meetings and trainings every night, and my son has extra out-of-season practices on top of football (stay in your lane basketball!) every night, and my daughter has hours of dance every night, stuff goes wrong. A lot of stuff. When it rains, it pours kind of stuff.

You know what put me over the edge? The back blinker burned out on my van. Yep.

What is the big deal, Minta? It’s only a little light. Who cares?

Trust me, I said all those things to myself.

But in full disclosure, that wasn’t where my heart was. So as I stood in my driveway, in the dark, trying to pry off the little clasps for the taillight that were rusted on, I was mad. Here’s where I really was:

“AUUGGHHHHHH! I hate car stuff. God, you know I hate car stuff. It’s the one thing I hate taking care of. I do all the rest- I do the laundry and the groceries and the cooking and the cleaning and the bills and the mowing and the yard work and the driving and the scheduling… I hate the car stuff. Why do I have to do this? I hate it. Football season is not fair.”

My attitude was.NOT.AWESOME.

At the heart of my frustration was pride. Pride that I shouldn’t have to do it. Pride that I deserved better. Pride that I was so unimportant that I was stuck at home doing the yucky jobs.  Pride that no one sees all the crappy tasks that I do from sunup to sundown that allow our family to function smoothly. Pride that my other family members receive accolades and praise for their accomplishments but I remain behind the scenes.

Ugly Pride.

Pride is almost always about loving the praise of man more than the praise of God. John makes this clear in chapter 12 when he says that the reason people couldn’t see who Jesus really was is this same reason:  “for they loved human praise more than the praise of God.” Pride blinds us to the truth.

What a bummer to realize that my heart was like the heart of the false believers.

I have to be honest, it’s not fun to say that…to admit your shortcomings to the world. It’s downright humbling to write this post. My face is burning red in shame as I type. I should know better, be better. God has asked me to be honest about my life and it’s not easy. I fall short and I need grace. 

In my weariness, I lost sight of my mission. I lost sight of the fact that I am called to serve, especially my family, in this season. It’s what God has asked me to do; lay down my life and serve others. It’s not glamorous, it’s not fun, and it’s not my first choice. But it’s so clear that this is what God has for me.

If I’m honest, I’d rather be writing all day long. I would rather be in seminary, studying. I would rather be out there chasing my dreams at full speed, unhindered by a mountain of mundane responsibilities.

But it’s not about me; it ceased to be about me when I gave my life over to Christ. I get up daily and lay my life down at his feet, to do his will. I am determined to live my life in full surrender to the one and ONLY God who is worthy of praise. And that means that I must follow through on my surrender and live like Jesus. Even though he was the only Son of God, he came and served those around him. He gave up his life and was obedient to the will of the father even to death on a cross.

Ironically enough, the morning after my taillight fiasco, I read John 13, in which Jesus washes the feet of his disciples. He serves them. He does the dirty job, the job no one wants to do.

And then he says in verses 14-16, “And since I, your Lord and teacher, have washed your feet, you ought to wash each other’s feet. I have given you an example to follow. Do as I have done to you. I tell you the truth, slaves are no greater than their master. Nor is the messenger more important than the one who sends the message.”

Bullseye. Right in my heart.  

If I want to be like Jesus, held in the highest regard in heaven, I must serve.

If I want to be exalted by God, I must humble myself here on earth.

I must decrease and he must increase.

I don’t need to care about who sees me, or what recognition I get, because GOD SEES ME and it’s his approval that I seek. To be God’s messenger is to be a servant. The bible is clear about that over and over; Matthew 20:28 explains: “For even the son of man came not to be served, but to serve others and give his life as a ransom for many.”

It’s totally counter-cultural. The world will tell you to seek money and power and fame and position and status… that you deserve this and should have that…but it’s all a worthless dead-end. You can’t take any of it with you. The real glory lies in the lowly position of selfless love.

The most exalted position we can take is the humble position of a servant.

I fixed my heart back onto the Father and the Son. I hit my knees and asked for forgiveness for my pride and selfish ambition as well as for another chance to be his servant. I thanked him for the honor that it is to serve my family in this season because I know He is using it to accomplish his will.

Dear friends, let’s be servants.

Serve whether we are a CEO or a SAHM.

Serve whether we are dirt poor or as rich as Bill Gates.

Serve whether or not anyone notices.

No one is too great to serve. If Jesus can serve, so can we.

Let’s get out our towels and wash the feet of the people around us. Let’s do the dirty jobs that no one else wants to do. Let’s humble ourselves and lay down our agenda for God’s.

Ask him, I dare you. Ask him who you can serve and I guarantee he will provide an answer.