i don’t fit in…
I don’t fit in. I just don’t. In any area of my life, really. I used to; but now I don’t. And I’m totally at peace with it.
The first reason is that I have bigs and littles – ages 16, 13, 3, and 1. I don’t fit in with parents of teens who are enjoying freedom and showers and sitting down; I know not what those things are. Those parents smile politely at me while I attempt to herd my littles at sporting events and make comments about how glad they are to be done with my stage of life. Sigh.
I don’t fit in with parents of littles who are 15 years younger than me and can’t fathom how it feels to be as old as I am, or as tired, or as wrinkly. They can’t relate to the attitudes or the decisions or the money pit that is raising teenagers. I end up feeling like the grandma of the group and despite my gray hair, I’m not ready for that title.
The second reason I don’t fit in is that I don’t watch TV. Like, ever. Well, occasionally I watch football because I’m married to a football coach and that is required for the sake of love. Other than that, I don’t watch. I gave it up because it felt like garbage in, garbage out. It’s almost impossible to find anything on TV that represents Christians well, or doesn’t come with a slew of ads that I have to tell my kids to cover their eyes for. If you want to talk about the latest and greatest TV anything, I am not your girl.
The third reason that I don’t fit in is that I don’t care about labels. I could care less if my clothes or my bag or shoes are name brand anything. I definitely don’t care about who’s wearing what and the jewelry that goes with it. I did the “seven” experiment a couple years back* and I loved it; seven articles of clothing for 30 days. It was so freeing. Today, I still have a really small and inexpensive wardrobe.
The fourth (and biggest!) reason is that I am a certified Jesus freak. It’s true. Reckless abandon after Jesus is my pursuit. I talk about him all the time and am known to break into spontaneous sermons. God rescued me when I least deserved it; I am forever grateful and determined everyone should know a love such as His. I can bring pretty much any conversation back to Jesus and the need to pursue truth. P.S. If you are looking for a friend who will tell you what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear, I’m not her.
I don’t fit in because the more I study scripture (at 4:45am because that’s the only time I am alone… pass the coffee, please), the more my views and values do not line up with the popular trends in culture when it comes to faith. The more I read, the more passionate I get about seeking and understanding truth. The more I read, the more radical I get in my opinion of how I think God wants us to live. The more I read, the more I value humility and being transformed by God. The more I read, the more I realize that we don’t just need to love better, but we also need to speak the truth better. We need more love and more truth; not just one or the other.
So I don’t fit in. And I’m ok with it. I’m trying to be brave enough to tell my story and share truth, because I think both need to be told. My faith crumbled once because I never put in the work to make it strong. I desire that mess for no one.
If you don’t feel like you fit in either; welcome. There’s a place for you here.
If you have made all the mistakes, like me; it’s good to see you.
If you love Jesus like a crazy person; we can definitely be friends.
If you aren’t sure what you think about faith; especially the lukewarm kind that seems to do more harm than good, I get it. I hope these posts help you find your way to Jesus and a love that never fails even when everything else does.
If you think that I am probably crazy and definitely weird after reading this, you are right. But stick around anyway; let’s be brave enough to learn from our differences.
Together, let’s be full of grace and hate all things judgmental. Let’s be warriors against weak faith; the shallow and useless kind that I used to have. Let’s love our neighbors and strangers alike, and be humble enough to hear when we are wrong. Let’s be committed to speaking the truth in love. Let’s make this a space that explores making faith practical, chasing God and not the world, letting go of who we’ve been for the sake of who he’s calling us to be, and not fitting in.
Let me know: is there any area in your life where you don’t you fit in because of your faith? What is it and how do you deal with it? Comment below and let’s talk about it; because it’s better to not fit in together than to not fit in alone.
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